Smile though your heart is aching...

Smile though your heart is aching...

This blog entry is going to be a slight poor me blog so if you aren't up for that I don't recommend reading on and appreciate all of you who choose to read on.

The last couple days have been a mix between great positives and crippling negatives.

Lets start with the positives..  I had my first performance review at my job and it went amazing.  Not only was my employer very happy with my performance but he gave me a raise! What a great way to start my week right!? I also had some really great runs! I took yesterday off and did a 75 minute hot yoga class, which was amazing as well! I started listening to motivational audiobooks while I work and have also found them to enhance my day to day life.  In all the positives this week were good ones especially coming up on my ten kilometre run this Sunday. On that note I am looking for some music to put on my run playlist if anyone has any suggestions!

Now for the negatives.... Well my Grandfather is 86 years old and his heart is not very strong.  He has been in and out of the hospital since my grandmother died in November.  In March the doctors transferred my grandpa into the hospice and said he was on his last days of life.  We all said our goodbyes, it was heartbreaking. To top it off we had to do this over the phone because we were at our maternal grandmothers funeral.... What a year right? My Grandpa exceeded expectations and not only survived up to now but has felt better then he has in years.  He has been exercising, spending time with us and all in all loving life.  This Saturday my grandpa checked himself out of the hospice and moved into a Seniors resort outside of town.  He was so excited! It was a miracle! His first night was Monday and unfortunately Wednesday he had trouble breathing and was brought back into the hospital.  The doctors let us know that as much as we would like to say things are great my grandpa is dying and they don't know how much time he has. I understand that it is a part of life but I really love my grandpa and although I don't want him to suffer I would love to have him around as long as possible. I also have already lost both of my grandmothers in the past six months and would really love to not lose another grandparent this year.  I know this may sound selfish but loss is a horrible thing and this year has taken more from me then I can even bare.

The second negative event of my week is surrounded by my recently rehomed dog.  I have had her since the second she was born and unfortunately in March her and my other dog got into a fight.  This fight was brought on by unforeseen circumstances and resulted in me losing the tip of my finger and multiple other wounds. It was not fair to her to keep her when I was now timid around her so I sought a new home for her.  The girl that adopted her said that she had experience with aggressive breeds and knew she needed extra special care, training and observation.  Unfortunately, an incident involving lack of observing and leaving her unattended resulted in another preventable but negative event.  My poor she was terrified and is now in limbo between finding another new home or being put down.  Because of my history with her and my love for this dog I am heartbroken and the girl now wants me to take her back.  I am trying to think of the most responsible actions to take from here. The thought of taking her life due to bad ownership completely breaks my heart.

I believe that there is something to learn in every situation and usually I can pick out what that lesson is.  Now I am not sure.  What on earth could this year be trying to teach me?  Any input is appreciated.  Since November I have lost two grandmother's, a dog, a finger tip, a few friends, I have had multiple tenant issues, multiple unforeseen costs that have prevented me from reaching my goals and a lost relationship.  What on earth is this supposed to teach me?

So that has been my week (and year)... a true mix of positives and negatives.  Today I am feeling stuck and am having a hard time not to dwell on the negatives.  My motivation to see through the dark clouds that are hovering is wearing thin.

Last night in yoga the instructor spoke on perspective, its truly how you look at things.  In hot yoga when they turn down the lights it is crazy how much cooler it feels even though the temperature hasn't changed whatsoever.  She also said that when you smile it makes the harder positions in hot yoga. The same must be true in everyday life.  Today I am going to take this tip and see if it helps me with the obstacles I am facing right now.

The quote i think I am going with for this comes right from Nat King Cole!  "Smile though your heart is breaking."

I always like to end things on a positive note so this is how I am going to get through this series of unfortunate events... Take things day by day, don't dwell and always look for the positive.  I'm also going to run my little heart out on Sunday while raising money for The Heart and Stroke Foundation.

Wish me luck on all of this and I hope all of you who are going through tough times can smile through your day too!